Mad Dog bites mad bitch

Former loyalist paramilitary leader Johnny Adair has been arrested on suspicion of assaulting his wife. Adair, who is also known as ‘Mad Dog’, was arrested by Greater Manchester Police yesterday evening after officers were called to a park in Horwich, near Bolton. He was being questioned by officers today. He and his wife fled to Horwich after an internal feud within the Ulster Defence Association (UDA), of which he was once a senior member.

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Ian Brown says Bono is ‘such a fake’

There’s an interesting read in the Guardian today with former Stone Roses frontman Ian Brown. The best bit is where he says: "Through those years, he says, he was always sure the Roses would make it. Why? "Because I knew we loved music and I knew what time of day it was, and I knew Bono was faking. He's such a fake, isn't he? When he did Live Aid which made them a worldwide group and he looked out and seen that black girl in the middle of all them people, and she's from Hackney or something, and he was like, 'Here's a great shot for me around the world to show I'm Mr Africa'. It's like colonialist times with a big white hat."

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Rafferty’s murder by IRA will see no one brought to justice

While it might be debatable as to whether the McCartney sisters will see justice over the killing of their brother Robert, it seems that the family of Joseph Rafferty, who was shot dead by an IRA gunman in a west Dublin housing estate in April, are more likely never to see anyone prosecuted for the murder of their family member.

While the killing of Robert McCartney was brutal and savage, it essentially stemmed from a row in a pub and pervious bad feeling. The killing of Rafferty was a lot more insidious.

Joe Rafferty was assassinated because he stood up to a man who had assaulted his little sister. He was shot by a gunman who was dressed in builders clothing as he was about to drive off to work from his apartment in the Ongar area of Dublin 15.

The gunman had clearly planned the operation for several days, hence the disguise of builders clothing in an area still under development.

Rafferty, despite constant warnings and threats from what are believed to be Dublin Sinn Fein members, still stood up to the man who assaulted his sister. He paid with his life.

It is also likely that this episode will soon be forgotten and that no one is ever likely to be prosecuted.

If Sinn Fein are aware of the people involved in Rafferty’s murder, and lets not kid ourselves that they’re not, then what does that say about one of the potentially biggest political parties in Ireland.

Who would you rather have? Messrs Haughey, Burke and Lawlor and their conniving and swindling, or your ex-IRA volunteer Sinn Fein member?

As a republican I’m sickened. I’d hoped Sinn Fein would bring republican idealism to bear on Irish politics, but instead, it seems that covering up murder committed by its members is one of its major policies.

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Boring, boring Premiership has eaten itself

Something is definitely in the air. Almost every soccer fan I know - sports journalists and friends alike - are doing what is almost unthinkable for arm-chair fans. They’re agreeing. Agreeing that the Premiership just ain’t interesting no more.

Most, it seems, are pissed off with the hype. We’re constantly bombarded with ‘morkeshing’ telling us it’s the greatest league in the world. Yeah? Is that why English teams dominate the European competitions?

And then there’s the money. Millions paid to thicks who would probably find it difficult to comprehend the contracts they’ve signed. The clubs do everything to pamper they’re players. Witness a recent BBC documentary about the sad life of footballers when they retire when Mike "Razor" Ruddock declared: "I didn’t know how to do anything. When the boiler on the central heating broke I didn’t know what to do. The club did all that."

Any wonder then they constantly end up in the tabloids in gang-bang/rape stories?

Simon Hattenstone in today’s Guardian compares and contrasts English footballers with the Ashes winning English cricketers. He writes: "...when England won they managed to go on a bender without being charged with common assault or rape."

If you compare the same stars to the GAA’s amateurs - those players who every summer create sporting lore and legend for no recompense - the picture of the spoilt Premiership brat gets even sadder.

Try comparing hurling and football to soccer. Ever watch a soccer match after watching the hurling? Just pure shite. No excitement and no commitment.

Where’s all the skill and excitement gone from the Premiership? It would be interesting to have a word with the editors who put together the Sky packages to see if they have more or less choice of footage to splice together when doing the highlights or best of the season segments.

The money stakes are high in the Premiership and for club owners, especially for those clubs that populate the mid-to-low table, it is essential not to get relegated and face the prospect of millions walking out the door.

Getting a result - any result as long as it’s not a loss - is the object of the game and it doesn’t matter how you get it is the mantra of many clubs in the English top-flight. Win ugly? Who cares?, it’s a win.

Arsenal’s manager, Arsene Wenger recently bemoaned the fact that many teams were playing negatively, but, haven’t we heard this before from the Frenchman when Arsenal have failed to break down stubborn mid-table opposition.

And while one might point out to Mr Wenger that he might try and use some different tactics, his argument can still be backed up by looking elsewhere.

Greece in Euro 2004. Porto in the Champions League 2004. And then Chelsea.

Every one wants to blame Chelsea for the demise of the Premiership. "They’ve just gone and bought it, haven’t they," is the common cry. But, it seems, Chelsea’s success is more to do with Jose Mourhino’s football ethos, than Roman Abramovich’s billions.

Real Madrid used to spend more than anyone else on players, but, never, ever resorted to winning ugly.

The most entertainment you’re likely to get out of a Mourniho side is the manager’s pre and post-match interviews in which he invariably hypes everything up like a world title contest in boxing.

It’s all been hyped up so much, not just by the likes of Mourinho, but also the very tiresome Wenger v Ferguson spats and of course Sky Sports.

Every now and then Pop music does eat itself, but, it always comes back. You’d think there’s too much money at stake for soccer not to come back. But, you’d have to ask, if it was such a beautiful game before the Premiership, why were the crowds so low?

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Irish sunbathers cause interstellar war

It's now official. Thanks to the diligence of Spudnik and the multi-trillions of cash invested in a high grade state-of-the-art interstellar satellite network, Spudnik can now report that there is life on other planets. And they're not very happy with Earth. Well with Ireland, but they can't tell the difference from 350,000 light years away.

There must be many questions that are being asked by you right now. How could a mere blogger know about life on other planets? Why does Spudnik have a high grade state-of-the-art interstellar satellite network? And probably the most poignant of them all, has Spudnik lost the plot and finally cracked up?

Patience all, patience.

The explanation is quite simple really. Not so many moons ago, Ireland had the Gods smile upon it and bless the simple happy folk of the land with a very rare and precious gift. A week of sunshine in the summer.

There was much rejoicing and merriment across Ireland's green and fair isle. Much alcohol was consumed. This in turn led to yet more merriment, more than the good folk could cope with. So the Gods duly took the sunny weather away again. But the damage had been done.

While the good folk - and they are quite good - had the pleasure of uninterrupted sunshine and warmth, they enjoyed it to the full. The people of Ireland sunbathed.

There were what would be hideous scenes to foreigners but quite normal to Ireland as millions of red-head freckily Irish men and women flocked to the beach and stripped off and revealed their bluer-than-white skin to all and sundry.

Spudnik has mentioned before about the dangers of Irish people taking off their clothes in public. For those of you who have never seen an Irish person with most of their kit off, it's not pleasant, so brace yourselves.

It really is simple. You see for millennia the Irish have evolved in a country which has had very little sunshine and therefore the Irish have evolved with extraordinary white skin. As a result when the sun shines and the Irish are sunbathing, there is a huge reflection from the sun off their skin causing blinding white light. This has caused hazards for drivers and pilots of aircraft, but never before has it caused the death of so many.

Which brings us back to life on other planets.

During the recent sunny spell over the last few days, millions of the aforementioned red headed and bluey-white skinned Irish took to the beaches and stripped off at the same time. This sent a massive wave of reflected bright light out into deep space. 350,000 light years into deep space, to a planet known to it's inhabitants as Kerrpoof.

The Poofs, as they are know to their neighbours, are a civilisation of astronomers. They had recently found life on a small little planet some 350,000 light years away.

As the whole planet turned their telescopes on Earth, you know, to see for themselves, they were greeted by a massive wave of reflected white light down their scopes.

The Poofs being beings of a planet that has little sunshine (so not to dissimilar to Ireland then - Ed) are no good at coping with bright light. In fact it's fatal to them.

Not all who died were killed first time round. Some Poofs of course had to work and on hearing the news decided to have a look for themselves. The Poofs are a nosy sort you see, and they in turn suffered the same fate as the other Poofs before them.

This is where the Spudnik’s high grade state-of-the-art interstellar satellite network comes in.

Spudnik has sighted on it's scopes a giant fleet of spacecraft heading towards our solar system. A fleet of mother ships, brother ships, half-sister ships, in-laws ships and other ships which weren't family members but were friendly enough to be considered as such.

There is only one hope for us all. Pray that the Gods will smile on Ireland again, so the Irish can strip off and defeat the alien invasion.

Pray hard. Your life depends on it.

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