Irish sunbathers cause interstellar war

It's now official. Thanks to the diligence of Spudnik and the multi-trillions of cash invested in a high grade state-of-the-art interstellar satellite network, Spudnik can now report that there is life on other planets. And they're not very happy with Earth. Well with Ireland, but they can't tell the difference from 350,000 light years away.

There must be many questions that are being asked by you right now. How could a mere blogger know about life on other planets? Why does Spudnik have a high grade state-of-the-art interstellar satellite network? And probably the most poignant of them all, has Spudnik lost the plot and finally cracked up?

Patience all, patience.

The explanation is quite simple really. Not so many moons ago, Ireland had the Gods smile upon it and bless the simple happy folk of the land with a very rare and precious gift. A week of sunshine in the summer.

There was much rejoicing and merriment across Ireland's green and fair isle. Much alcohol was consumed. This in turn led to yet more merriment, more than the good folk could cope with. So the Gods duly took the sunny weather away again. But the damage had been done.

While the good folk - and they are quite good - had the pleasure of uninterrupted sunshine and warmth, they enjoyed it to the full. The people of Ireland sunbathed.

There were what would be hideous scenes to foreigners but quite normal to Ireland as millions of red-head freckily Irish men and women flocked to the beach and stripped off and revealed their bluer-than-white skin to all and sundry.

Spudnik has mentioned before about the dangers of Irish people taking off their clothes in public. For those of you who have never seen an Irish person with most of their kit off, it's not pleasant, so brace yourselves.

It really is simple. You see for millennia the Irish have evolved in a country which has had very little sunshine and therefore the Irish have evolved with extraordinary white skin. As a result when the sun shines and the Irish are sunbathing, there is a huge reflection from the sun off their skin causing blinding white light. This has caused hazards for drivers and pilots of aircraft, but never before has it caused the death of so many.

Which brings us back to life on other planets.

During the recent sunny spell over the last few days, millions of the aforementioned red headed and bluey-white skinned Irish took to the beaches and stripped off at the same time. This sent a massive wave of reflected bright light out into deep space. 350,000 light years into deep space, to a planet known to it's inhabitants as Kerrpoof.

The Poofs, as they are know to their neighbours, are a civilisation of astronomers. They had recently found life on a small little planet some 350,000 light years away.

As the whole planet turned their telescopes on Earth, you know, to see for themselves, they were greeted by a massive wave of reflected white light down their scopes.

The Poofs being beings of a planet that has little sunshine (so not to dissimilar to Ireland then - Ed) are no good at coping with bright light. In fact it's fatal to them.

Not all who died were killed first time round. Some Poofs of course had to work and on hearing the news decided to have a look for themselves. The Poofs are a nosy sort you see, and they in turn suffered the same fate as the other Poofs before them.

This is where the Spudnik’s high grade state-of-the-art interstellar satellite network comes in.

Spudnik has sighted on it's scopes a giant fleet of spacecraft heading towards our solar system. A fleet of mother ships, brother ships, half-sister ships, in-laws ships and other ships which weren't family members but were friendly enough to be considered as such.

There is only one hope for us all. Pray that the Gods will smile on Ireland again, so the Irish can strip off and defeat the alien invasion.

Pray hard. Your life depends on it.