Make up department in RTE comes under fire as Charlie Bird called 'orange bastard'

The make-up department in RTE has come under fire from TV chiefs for "making our broadcast staff look like orange bastards". Ruling Manderins at the semi-state broadcaster are said to be furious that chief news correspondent Charlie Bird was targeted by rioters in Dublin city centre on Saturday who called the journalist an "orange bastard".

The clearly emotional Bird was punched and then chased as he tried to escape the racists.

"I wasn't born orange you know. These racists took their anger out on me because of a mistake in the blending of rouge and foundation back in the RTE make-up department," said a tearful Bird as the eyliner ran down his bruised and blackened cheeks.

"I just feel so sorry for those in the North who are born with this natural affliction. Poor bast...I mean sods," added a highly charged Bird.

When the head satsuma on the RTE non-elected-government-appointed-no-conflict-of-interest-authority heard of the violence dished out to one of the news department he said: "We're fed up with the constant cock ups from the make-up department. One minute you can't see our broadcasters's for the bad lighting, the next, they're all fucking tangoed. It looks like we're broadcasting out of Umpa Lumpa land," said an irate Han di Monay.

Mr di Monay said that he personally would look into the so-called jobs for the "Foxrock girls" in the make-up and morkeshing departments at the beleagured station.

"All these young ones who are coming in from UCD are taking real jobs away from young men. It's got to stop...Are ye right Sharon," Mr di Monay said from his coupe before he sped away with the young blonde for the weekend.

A whole tranch of RTE broadcasters and presenters could not be contacted for comment from their hospital beds in St Vincents at the weekend, although Marion Finucane refused to confirm or deny she said "up the Raa" at Saturday's riots. Riiiiight!