Meet Larry the talking duck

Today, spudnik was struck with yet another wondrous ponderous thought to query. Weather for ducks!

The thing is that while this statement applies to rainy weather, there is no evidence to suggest that ducks actually thrive better in the rain. The thing about ducks is that they have an oil based feathered covering which is waterproof, therefore allowing them to dive underwater and fish. And then, when they surface, they don't have worry about not being able to fly because of soaking wet feathers. Brilliant!

In fact some ducks are truly brilliant. Take Larry the talking duck for instance. Now there was a marvel to behold.

The thing about Larry The Duck, LTTD if you like, was that not only could he talk, but he was an exquisite conversationalist. LTTD lived in Dublin during the fifties, but no one knows what end, if any he met.

He first came to prominence when walking into a bar in Poolbeg Street. Jim, not his real name, the barman on lunch-time duty was the first one to spot him. LTTD had, as-bold-as-brass, just strolled into the bar. Jim, the barman, was as surprised as the next man when the duck spoke.

"A ham and coleslaw sandwich and a pint of stout when your ready there pal", said LTTD.

Jim was stunned and could only mutter, "you're a talking duck". To which the duck replied, "yes that's right".

"A talking duck", repeated Jim as his jaw scrapped the floor.

The duck shrugged, he was used to this sort of reaction by now, and repeated his lunch order. Jim ran off and got him the order and placing it in front of him said, "that's on the house but tell me one thing. How long have you been, you know, talking"?

LTTD not yet able to get a bite out his sandwich replied, "all my life. I've just come to the area today. I'm working over the road, you know, the building site there."

LTTD and Jim struck up a great friendship. Every day the duck would come in for his lunch time repast of a pint of stout and a ham and coleslaw sandwich.

One day a circus owner walked into the bar. While talking to Jim, the barman decides to bring up the subject of the talking duck.

"I know of someone", Jim said, "you might be interested in. There's a chap who comes in here of a lunch time and he's a duck. Who talks. He talks about everything. Current affairs, sports, films, art, he knows about the lot."

The circus owner looked at Jim and said, "you know I'd pay a lot of money for that kind of thing and if you had a word with the duck there'd be a cut in it for you".

Jim told him the duck would be in an hour or so for his lunch and he have a word with him then.

LTTD came in at the usual time. Jim went over to him to tell him about the circus owner.

"Listen Larry", they were on first name terms by now, "there was a circus owner in here earlier on today. He said he'd pay a lot of money for what you do. A lot of money he said".

LTTD looked at Jim and said " a lot of money you say".

"That's right", Jim replied, "a lot of money".

LTTD looked at Jim and said, "Well alright I'll meet with him, but there is one thing that's puzzling me"?

"What's that"? asked Jim.

"What would a circus owner want with a plasterer"?